good news!

i qualified for the orem traffic school! fifty bucks, but the ticket stays off my record. bobby was bragging that i haven't beat his record of ten tickets... so i counted mine...

1. speeding
2. failure to yield to a crossing guard (which was total b.s.)
3. speeding
4. speeding
(break for my mission.. got pulled over for a stop sign, but was just given a warning)
5. speeding
6. stoplight
7. stop sign
8. speeding
9. speeding
10. speeding
11. speeding
12. speeding

ok... i get the hint.... gotta slow down

bobby still has me beat with 2 accidents to zero... in my car!!!!

blah...

tonight turned into a bust of sorts. i worked until 9:30 and was gonna go to a party here in raintree with some friends, but nobody was really up to it and we bailed after a few minutes. it would have been better if we knew more people here, but having just moved in we haven't gotten to know any body yet. that'll change as we start going to our ward and stufs...

so i'm here in raintree... finally all out of the crestwood!! it's nice to be somewhere different and still retain the few friends from there that i care about.

life is really good. sure there are some of the same struggles, but there is really no point in stressing over them. just gotta accept that shit happens and move on.

so i got bobby moving in with me, hyrum (my other new roommate) seems pretty cool. joe and jake are next door and megan isn't too far away. things have been a blast with everyone. megan's awesome as always. she bought me maxim's hot 100 issue to thank me for picking her up from the airport (how cool is that!). work is going good. i actually got a paycheck today. school went pretty good i think. i'll know for sure in the next few days as my grades get posted. blah blah blah...

i feel like by blogs have been really shallow lately. i don't know if there is nothing about my feelings to write about... or if i just don't want to share them with anyone. prolly the latter

maybe as school starts up again and i get more relaxed (do those two go together. school and relaxation?) i'll start flowing more with my thoughts

i guess i'll just read tonight and catch some early sleep for tomorrow.

honestly now... do we really need stars?

astronomy is finally done with. i used to love the stuff, when i was little i wanted to be an astronomer and astronaut. not anymore.

i'm about all moved into my new place, just have my computer, stereo, bed stufs, and dishes to move. then it's good-bye crestwood.

tiring past few days.

my posts lately have mostly been single sentances and sentance fragments. when i get recharged and have more time i'll vent, philosophy, rant, dream, and all that other crap more.

i want some cuddling... and stufs.

tiring...

i had a 7am logical thinking final yesterday and then spent the rest of the day working on my summum powerpoint presentation for my western religions class (with a little break to pick up megan from the airport).

woke up today at 6 and studied until my western religions final at 9. i've spent most of the day moving my things to my new apartment. it would have gone by faster if some dumbass would move his things out of my enw place. i only have a few things left now. tonight i've gotta study for a bit, 24, and then more studying for my astronomy final... unless, of course, i can find something else i'd rather do (which is just about anything).

koji

failure

i'm driving to draper this afternoon for bobby's homecoming talk and along side the freeway i see a mother and daughter who look like they need some help. they're both dressed in their sunday dresses attempting to change a flat tire on their mini-van. a mini angel version of me appears on my left shoulder and tells me to pull over and help them out. a mini devil version of me then pops up on my right shoulder and reminds me that if i pull over and help, i'll prolly be late for the meeting. surely somebody else will give them a hand. i flick the angel off my left shoulder and continue driving...

matthew 25:42
" for i was pulled over with a flat tire and ye gave me no help..."
25:44
"then shall they answer him saying, lord, when saw we thee pulled over with a flat tire... and did not give thee help?"
25:45
"then shall he answer them, saying, verily i say unto you, inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me."

ahhhhhh :)

i finally got to sleep in today uninterrupted and snoozed to around noon. how did it feel? it felt great. i then did all of my logical thinking homework and finished the take-home section of my deductive logic final before i had to get to work. all i've got left now is my summum project, western religions final, and my astrononomy homework and final. i've got monday and tuesday off from work, so it should all be a breeze.

work is going nice. semester is almost over. moving to an new apartment. great friends. bobby is back....to sum it up, life is good

maybe i don't want to graduate

chris graduated today (congrats bro!), but now i dunno if i want to graduate. that ceremony was sooooooooooo loooooooooooooong. of course, i'll still graduate. i just won't invite anyone to the ceremony (if i even go myself).

one good thing about it was that i had plenty of time to finish reading invisible monsters. to sum it up, the book was twisted, twisted, twisted, and friggin awesome. another great palahniuk. much like lullaby, it starts off confusing as hell, but all comes together in the end like a jigsaw puzzle. much like lullaby the timeline is always jumping around. but instead of jumping between chapters, each paragraph practically takes place at a different spot on the timeline, but somehow makes sense. i would definitely recommend it if you can handle something so twisted, morbid, insightful, exciting, and hilarious.

i'm not sure what i'll read next. it'll prolly be life of pi or conversations with god. i'm not sure which though. throw in your votes

my last several posts have been small and scarce. that's because i've been so gosh dang tired lately (note the mormon swear words). with work, finals, and a roommate who vacuums at 7am i haven't gotten much sleep. i should hopefully catch up this weekend.

my list of people i am going to kill

1. tom


that's it

raintree

it's all set. by the end of next week, jake, joe, bobby, and i will all be partying it up at the raintree apartments. nice rooms, an actual apartment feel (compared to the cubicle crestwood setup), balcony, and all that fun stufs. now i just need to find time to move...

i should have listened...

my friends and others have been telling me that i should slow down or i'd get a ticket. they were obviously right. went to lehi to sign up for traffic school to clear a ticket, but found out i don't qualify. now i've got a $110 ticket to pay. ugggghhhh... new goal...slow down!

outta here

got all signed up to move to raintree in a week or so. bobby and me will share an apartment. joe and (hopefully) jake will be in an apartment across from us. i'm already excited to go. it just looks like it's gonna be hella fun over there.

bobby came back today, but my parents won't let him out until he's released... then i can corrupt him ;)

nevermind

our priesthood lesson made me want to write about orthodoxy vs orthopraxy in the church today, but now i just don't feel like it. i'll write something up another day. bobby gets home tomorrow!


new word for the day

felching: ask your parents

a wonderfully great day and night

i'm tired, so here's a quick short list as to why today was great

-did actual job training
-took a short nap
-my car started up so i could drive it to the shop instead of having to tow the thing (thanks to megan's wish of god's luck)
-delicious filipino meal and icecream for mel's b-day
-hilarious fun and laughs with megan, sarah, and jake in salt lake
-the patriotic flashing blue and red lights weren't for me this time, but for the car next to us(a major relief)

oops i did it again...

i have my friends to blame for this. they already jinxed me a first speeding ticket by saying that they were surprised i didn't get pulled over and thought i deserved some. but noooo, that wasn't good enough for them. they had to jinx me again by asking me how many tickets i have gotten in my life and jake had to point out that tickets usually come in pairs. thanks a freaking lot all of you.

...or maybe i just need to slow down

a comparison of teachings concerning the poor among easern religions

finished my paper with an hout to spare. i'm losing faith in my power in procrastination. i really need to start my papers sooner. that'll be my new goal for next semester... or maybe fall semester ;)

happy valley

here's another post about happy valley. a different take on it this time. for a while i really started to hate living here, but lately i have really been enjoying it out here. i'm not saying that i want to spend the rest of my life here. i'm just saying that i'm in no hurry to get my butt out of happy valley as i was before. the people here in happy valley really haven't changed and i really haven't changed either.. at least i don't think i have. or perhaps i have changed. for a while i was all about people here accepting me more for who i was, but maybe the real problem was for me to accept people here for who they are. maybe it's just now that i feel like i have met a substantial group of friends who like me for who i am and appreciate my quirks. i dunno what the deal is. i do know that i'm enjoying my time out here lately and am happy for the most part.

boobies!

now that i have your attention...

today was a pretty good but looooong day. i started my training with compusa and boy does it ever blow. i spent five hours in front of a computer clicking my mouse away learning all about compusa, their policies, and products. the training was broken into 6 'days' of sessions. they told me and the other kid to just do as much as we could today. i finished 5 of them today and as i was leaving i looked at the other kid who had only done 1 1/2. i'm already looking forward to the end of training..

loyd's thought of the day

loyd's thought of the day

money can't buy happiness
but it can buy things that make loyd happy


working again

my drug test results finally came back yesterday and i passed (i bet you're all really surprised). that means i start working again this afternoon. it'll be nice to feel productive again and have those dollars coming in.


bobby

my little bro comes home from his mish in japan on monday! i am so stoked to see him again.

today's lesson

sometimes i need to shut my mouth

othertimes i need to open it before there is a reason to shut it

sorry for all the trouble my mouth can cause

islam, israel, and how america shoots themselves in the foot

we're discussing islam and israel in my western religions class today. i have a little greater understanding of why so many arab nations don't like us all that much. american policy has really screwed them over some. 1st we kick the palestinians out of their homes and farms and give them away to a group of polish jews. 2nd we fund israel's army. 3rd we side with israel in most of their confilcts. 4th we look away when israel screw over the palestinians.

i'm not saying that we deserve what has happened, just that we are not blameless victims in all of this. the more we cry innocence and retaliate, the worse things are going to get


school

byu is finishing up this week, but uvsc still has 1 1/2 weeks left. they'll be starting the next semester the same time we begin our finals! i am so looking for this semester (especially astronomy) to be finished.

and then it was today

been kind of a boring day. went to class until 2 then pretty much did nothing besides a short nap. compusa still hasn't recieved my drug test info, so i won't be starting until at least wednesday now. which is fine becuz i have some studying i need to tomorrow. my refund still hasn't come in yet. hopefully it'll be deposited tomorrow.

fhe tonight had a surprising outcome. a lot more people showed than i expected and it turned out rather fun even though nothing was really planned. bishop meeks(sp?) is a pretty cool guy. he was there at my final council and got to see me ball my eyes out with happiness. i'm sure that's why i'm one of the few whose name he knows

sara is a really cool girl. i'm glad megan's got a roommate that actually wants to go out and be social and stufs. i just wish i felt more comfortable with being able to drop by and hang out like i can with other apartments

happy easter i guess

so megan and i took koji to the zoo yesterday. it was a lot of fun. koji got really excited with lots of the animals. he especially liked the monkeys and had a big grin on his face when he first saw them. we're driving back to provo and just couple blocks away from by brother's when my car just dies. we were able to get it working again somehow... just enough for it to break down again on the way back to my apartment. at least it didn't break down in salt lake. that would have been a little too much adventure for me. i really hope it doesn't cost much to fix. it seems like when life is getting good, god uses my car to make sure i don't get too happy.

today is easter, but it feels no different than any other day. no easter dinner with the fam. no candy. no eggs. just a regular sunday. we had a stake easter sacrament meeting. it was nice and short. i didn't quite pay attention to the talks too much. i was busy reading some chapters from the book of mormon, matthew's account of jesus's final days, and writing in my journal. the closing hymn was "i know that my redeemer lives". i choked up while singing the last verse. how awesome it is to have a testimony of my savior. to know that he suffered for me and lives today.

so the rest of today has been pretty empty so far. just relaxed and had some easter ramen. yay :/

oh yeah, and maggie gave me a ride to my parents house so i could steal their car for a while. they are in japan picking up bobby right now. it's nice to have friends you know you can turn to for help. thanks mags :)

cool and not cool

going to the zoo with megan and koji - cool
car breaking down in provo - not cool
car starting up again - cool
car breaking down again and not restarting - really not cool
turnout to ward activity - not cool
cold weather - not cool (actually it was cool, but not that kind of cool)
hot tub - cool
warm tub - not cool
getting out of the hot tub - not cool
frozen ball sack - not cool
hot shower - cool
living here much longer - not cool
moving to raintree with jake joe and bobby - cool
leaving others behind - not cool
suicide kings - really cool
being extremely tired - not cool
going to bed early - cool

south park

tonight's south park (which was last night's new episode) was absolutely hilarious. laughed my butt off.

today was a pretty good day. it rained a lot earlier, but cleared up pretty nicely as the day closed. got some sushi with megan and we picked up 8mm with nicholas cage. it was a really good movie which tells the story of a private investigator searching out the source of a snuff film and his subsequent desensitizing and fear of what it is doing to him.

not a whole lot to write about tonight.

refreshing

refreshing

i really felt like i needed to read my patriarchal blessing tonight, but i couldn't find it anywhere. for some reason, these last few days have been kind of a rut for me (i'm not sure why. everything, for the most part, is going great). my dad has a copy of my blessing on his computer, so i figured it would be nice to hop in my car, blast some music, and drive really fast to draper. i dunno what it was, but i felt great and refreshed by the time i got there.


it was bound to happen sooner or later...


yeah, that's right. most of my friends are surprised that i haven't gotten any tickets when they are riding with me. i wasn't so lucky tonight. 93 mph in a 65. luckily the cop was nice and dropped it to 85 mph so that i can clear it off with some traffic school. it didn't bum me out at all though, for some reason it just refreshed me even more. i'll tell you one thing though. as soon as those lights start flashing behind you, the prayers start flying.


other good news

i had my 2nd interview today, and assumming i pass my drug test (which should happen now that i have been heroin-free for six months), i should be starting work with compusa on monday or tuesday. it's a relief to finally have a job again. i wonder if i'm still on seagull's payroll? i did my taxes tonight as well and it looks like i'll be getting six hundred dollars refunded to me this year. that'll be kind of nice.

things are going really good for me. as i said above, i was kind of in a rut for a few days. i wasn't sure why, but i think it's all over now. perhaps it was the cloudy weather, or maybe sitting on my lazy but without a job finally caught up with me. hopefully the weather is better on saturday. i was telling koji about all the animals he is going to see at the zoo and he got so excited. he's gonna love it.

umm yeah

so umm yeah. sorta. i just wanna say that, you know and stufs. cuz sometimes, yeah. you know what i'm saying?

onehellameanguy

so there i go again. i keep on offending or hurting people without meaning to. i really need to be more conscientious when i do and say things.

round three

just nice stuff this time :)

-thanks for your prayers
-you are an awesome ninja
-thanks for caring
-i'm glad i've been able to get to know you more
-sorry if i get short with you, you're fun to live with
-thanks for always being excited to see me and talk with me
-come over anytime to hang and cuddle
-we don't always agree, but it's nice to have someone who digs theology like i do
-we have different attitudes, but that's a good thing. the world would be messed if everyone were juvenile like me
-there is nobody i'd rather have deep conversations with than you
-thanks for coming to me as a friend when i felt i was alone
-(something nice about myself that i can't think of)

being nice feels a lot better than being mean


loyd's life update

things are going really good right now. i'm really happy and excited about school, relationships, and the spiritual.

school is going really good right now. i know i say this a lot, but it's so much better when i am studying something i love (and am apparently good at). i think i'll be getting a's in my four philosophy and religion classes. astronomy isn't going to be as good. i prolly won't be getting the 4.0 i thought i was going to be able ot achieve.

i feel so much more social now. i've got plenty of friends and people who come over to chill and plenty others where i feel totally comfortable going to chill. i know i haven't written much about my friendship with megan lately. at least not overtly. that's mostly cuz she reads this (hi megan ;) ). i really cherish that friendship. we're just so much alike with the same interests and all. i do kinda miss our deep, late night conversations we used to have. maggie has been a really great friend too. (hi maggie). too bad she's heading home for the summer.

spiritually, i'm actually really trying to read the book of mormon everynight (i've gone three nights in a row) and am planning to go to the temple sometime this week with tory. my testimony has grown a lot lately. when i pray now, i feel like i'm really having a conversation with god. some maay think this blasphemous, but i pray now as if god were sitting next to me and was my buddy. i don't use all the 'thees' and 'thous'. i just talk normal. it's cool. i really feel like i'm having a two-way conversation with him. it gives me hope. i don't always believe the same as others, but there is something inside that let's me know what is important to know.

i really need to go get myself a job right now. i've been slacking lately and that's not good. i just hate looking for work, maybe it's the inner shyness in me or maybe it's the fear of having a job i don't really enjoy. i really feel like a lazy slacker though. i get bored a lot now and start to bug others to break the boredom. enough talking about it though, time for more doing.

round two.

mostly the same people. different order. maybe a little nicer this time... or maybe not

-it's about time someone gets the girl
-sometimes you seem almost too nice that it seems fake. i know it's not, but it can seem that way.
-you're a really caring person and always seem to be thinking of others
-slut
-maybe i judge too much. not everyone is like me.
-sometimes i just want to hold you
-thanks for giving me a better place to live.
-when i'm in my room and i've got music playing, i can't hear you from the kitchen/lcouches. how many times do i have to tell you?
-you're one of the few friends that i think i'll keep in touch with in the semi-distant future
-forget your missionary and give it a chance
-a lot of people are disgusted by you. tone it down and let people know who you are.
-you've got what it takes to be an arrogant ass, but you are the total opposite.
-get off your lazy butt and release another album
-get off your lazy butt and get a job

the gloves are coming off

so yeah, i don't write my thoughts/feelings about specific people on here anymore because too many people read this thing, but now my gloves are coming off. that's right. there is no holding back anymore. here's what i think about all you guys. i'll just not use any names to protect the innocent (me).

-you're nice, but i'm seriously scared that you are going to freak out all of the sudden and start killing people.
-why do you have to be so loud all of the time? tone it down a few decibels. and watch how you say things to my friend. just because you can't control yourself gives you no right to say crap like that.
-yeah, you really pissed me off a while back, but i forgive you.
-you're one of the few people in this complex that i have always felt comfortable going to, thanks.
-i think you and you would look great together.
-you haven't got a mean bone in your body.
-you always have this happy glow about you. seeing you hurt (which wasn't fun) made me realize that you are human too.
-i know you think what i'm doing is stupid. but hell, this is how i feel and i can't change that.
-you're prolly the greatest and bestest friend i have had. thanks.
-i finally beat your best score on snood.
-you need to get out more and let people realize how great and fun you are. enough excuses.
-for some reason, i want some action from you.
-i look up to you, not because you are taller than me though.
-so you think i'm immature? ...well suck my balls.

i could go on for days with these things, especially if i went to the past. this will do for now. i hope i don't seem to critical or prideful with any of these. $5 and a carton of whoppers to anyone who can guess who all these belong to.

sunday walk

went up to bridal veil falls with megan, mary, and joe to enjoy the nice weather today.

cheesedick

jake, steve, and i are coming back from iceburg tonight and this big ol' truck is riding behind me just a few inches. to make a short story even shorter, i let the guy know he was #1, he pulled next to me and started swearing, i called him a cheesedick, asked him to suck my balls, and he threw a burrito through my window and hit jake. i really gotta watch my reactions while i'm driving. someone's gonna get hurt. i found most driver's especially don't like being called cheesedick.

concrete island

imagine somebody gets thrown into your backyard and is too stupid to figure his way out. now read j.g. ballard's concrete island. it's that bad. think of it as castaway in the park across the street. it's supposed to be some allegory of his island he created for himself through some affair he is having. if you want a boring read, jump up and get this book.

next up is chuck palahniuk's invisible monsters. this will be the fourth of palahniuk's books i have read. hopefully this will help clear my memory of concrete island

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

""i have done that," says my memory. "i cannot have done that" -- says my pride, and remains adamant. at last -- memory yields."
~ friedrich wilhelm nietzsche

went and saw eternal sunshine tonight. def-def-def-definitely would recommend it. in the movie, they used some other quote of nietsche about memories, but i like the above one much better. so yeah, this movie really gets you thinking. if you could erase something or someone from your memory what would it be?

coincidently, megan and i were talking early today and i mentioned to her how most of the last year has become a blur to me. it's kind of funny what our memories choose to keep and clear. a year ago, there was some crap i wanted cleared. things that i regretted and wished were no more. it's amazing how the atonement does that kind of thing. those things are not a part of my life anymore and it's almost as if they never were.

is there anything i would want cleared from my memory? not anymore. there have been times that i have wanted to forget things, but looking back, i am glad that those things remain. what is kind of odd is often times, the memories i wanted cleared were the good memories. i guess that's because it's the good memories that can hurt the most. when my dog died, it was the good memories that made me sad, that made me miss her. those were the memories that hurt. as i said goodbye to her the night before we put her to sleep, it was the memories of laying in the park, watching her run through the grass that hurt, not the memories of chasing her through the neighborhood late at night before i'm about to go to sleep.

if you look back to the beginning of this blog, you can see that my last year was not the best of years. i found myself alone and feeling friendless. i wanted to forget the good times. to forget my friends. to forget my happy thought. i'm glad that i didn't. those are the things that i remember now. the fun times in the nook. basketball in the park. my car breaking down on the way to the cabin. chad's boat at deer creek. endless late night talking with megan. iceburg. vegas trip. the list goes on. those are the things that remain. why the hell would i want to forget stuff like that?

i think i'm blabbing now. my english sucks in this entry (actually it sucks is most my posts). i don't even know what the point of this was now. i'm glad i have memories. with them, i can forge my future with things i want to change and work for things i want to live again.

bush signs fetus-protection bill

bush signed the unborne victims of violence act today that makes it a federal crime to harm a fetus during an attack of a pregnant woman. murdering a pregnant woman would then be considered a double-homicide. the bill only applies to federal crimes, but is a pretty important bill as it legally defines an unborne fetus as a person with rights. a fine step to a ban on abortion in the next few years.