The REAL reason why Obama took so long to release his birth certificate

Well, it has finally happened. After much complaining from the birther movement, which had started to influence a majority of voting Republicans, Barack Hussein Obama as finally decided to take some time away from stepping on the constitution to finally make his long-form birth certificate public.

So why did it take so long? Despite what the State of Hawaii has claimed, access to someone's long-form birth certificate is as easy as getting lunch from the manapua man. In fact, I am pretty sure that you can actually get your long form birth certificate from the manapua man, along with some spam musubi. (Those from Hawaii will understand).

After some closer inspection, it has become pretty clear to me why Obama took until now to release it. Look closely:

Can't see it? Look more closely:

Still not? Look closelier:

Now even look more closelier:

As you can see in this hi-resolution zoom, there has been some editing done to the original document. Here they are circled:

As you can plainly see, it seems very clear that Hussein Obama (or someone in his administration) used white-out--and even the wrong colored ink--to hide the fact that OUR PRESIDENT HAS A TWIN BROTHER!


So what does this mean? I'm not entirely sure. Could it be that we actually have two President Obamas--one who passes more legislation in his first two years than most presidents and another who does absolutely nothing? Could we have both a Muslim Obama and a Christian Obama? Or could it even be that the elected progressive "Change We Can Believe In" Obama was killed and replaced by his conservative "Let's Keep Doing the Same SH*% as Bush" twin brother?

I don't know what the answer is, but at least we know to start looking for one.