day 3

the phone on the other end rings once. scratched into the painted metal partitions of the phone booth are numbers, names, addresses, solicitations for sex, a message for donnie, and elaborate drawings of distinct body parts. it rings a second time. stickers and flyers overlap each other on the wall. lose twenty pounds in three weeks! earn $$$ from home. the phone rings a third time. find love with one phone call. if you are having thoughts of suicide... as the phone rings a fourth time, i hang up.

the truth is i didn’t want them to answer. it has been almost three years since we have talked and i can no longer recall either of their voices anymore. alive or dead, it’s all the same now. calling them would just bring their son back to life, only to have them lose him again; except to be losing something again, you have to lose it a first time. you don’t lose something that you cast away. you don’t call it lost. you call it discarded. you call it rejected. thrown away. useless. unneeded. whatever you call it, you don’t call it misplaced. maybe set aside and forgotten, but definitely not lost.

the phone rings. it’s on my end this time. do they have caller id now? i don’t answer it. dead people don’t answer phones.