dear god, do you hate me?

dear god,

do you hate me? i just have to ask. i've been told that you can read minds. and i have to ask you some questions. you see... i'm starting to think that maybe you are looking into my mind, seeing my hopes and desires, and doing all you can do to make my life miserable.

do you remember a little over a month ago when i came to you struggling? i was feeling like life was pretty tough on me at the time and couldn't seem to lift myself out of a rut. i told you that at least i had my best friend back in my life and that i was so thankful for that. did you see to it that a few days later she would never be talking to me again?

a few days later did you see into my heart and realize how much i wanted to get this mountain bike job? did you see how much i didn't want to get strung along, like with my previous two job offers, only to find out a month later that they weren't going to hire me? are you seeing to it that a month later they are still telling me every few days to call them in a few days when they'll have a decision?

when i decided that i really needed to give up one of my vices, realizing that i was probably going to lose friends in the process, did you decide to have those friends suddenly start calling me on a daily basis?

did you see how much i needed money and then see to it that uvsc would take a month to figure out how to set up my pay?

did you see to it that instead of giving me an extra $200 that the school owed me, that they'd instead accidentally pay me $400 less?

is it because of you that for five days straight they said that they'd see that i got the money back the next day?

is it because of you that when they finally gave me a check, it was $50 short? was it because of you that they gave it too late for me to put in in the bank, leaving me completely broke over the weekend?

did you overhear my conversation with a friend at school on monday about how well my new bike tubes have kept me from getting flats? is it because of you that i had to walk my bike home with a flat tire?

did you also hear the part of that conversation about how i'm scared of getting into an accident and losing my car?

is it because of you that i keep on running into my former best friend at school, only to discover that we are still not talking? did you see to it that minutes after the awkwardness of literally walking into her last week, that i would next walk into another ex that i hadn't seen in months, and who also does not talk to me? did you really want to remind me of the fate of my closest relationships?

remember last week when i got that girl's number and really wanted to take her out? did you encourage her to not give me the diginity of calling me back?

is it because of you that the last three girls i tried to ask out all did the same thing?

remember when the bishop said he'd call me to be a sunday school teacher? remember how excited i was? are you the reason why i still haven't gotten the call?

are you telling my other 'friends' not to call me back either?

did you see me looking up trails that i wanted to ride all next week? did you see my thoughts tonight as i was driving home? did you see me looking forward to throwing my bike onto the back of my car to hit up a trail tomorrow? did you see how much i was looking forward to that, just minutes before you sent that red suv crashing into me?