more reflections on prop 8

the following is a comment by someone else written on another blog. i reprint it here with permission.
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Normally, I would not create a new name to go by to make a comment on any LDS related blogs, but because of the story and comments I am going to make, I feel it is necessary for me to attempt to retain my anonymity out in the open. If some people think that I am some random person with a fake story hiding in anonymity so be it. I dont expect what I am about to write to be entirely coherent. I am dealing with some very intense emotions right now so I apologize for this ahead of time. I have been trying to avoid making any comments or even paying attention to the whole proposition, but I feel the need to comment on this blog post.

I am a ysa member living in california who deals with SSA. Throughout my life I have suffered from severe depression and posttraumatic stress disorder alongside my homosexual feelings. I converted as a teenager and it has been a very very difficult road, but for the most part I have been able to manage and have remained faithful throughout my trials. Six months ago after years of struggling to control my depression and ptsd I finally got to a point where I was comfortable with the idea of serving a mission. I felt that it was time. With the help of my medication, my emotions were finally under control and I had stabilized. I started on my mission paperwork and completed everything and was a month away from sending them into Salt Lake. Then the Church announced its support for this amendment and the homophobic rhetoric of average members started appearing in the hallways of my meeting house. I had learned to ignore these comments but now they were starting to affect me. There were even comments from members of my bishopric that were catching me off guard. It sent me over the edge and I had an emotional crash. Beforehand, I knew of the proposition and knew the church was going to get involved and I didnt understand why it was affecting me so much emotionally. Though I wasnt aware of it at the time, my medication had stopped working (and in all honesty, had they not stopped working I would probably be in the MTC right now). The point is, I became incredibly sensitive to the things that were being said. It got to the point where my therapist (who is a member in good standing) supported me in my decision to avoid church because of the negative effect it was having on me emotionally. Even now, knowing that part of my issue with these reactions is entirely chemical, I cant attend church meetings. I cant even attend institute. Institute and church were the center of my life and because of ignorant comments and the intense vigor with which members are trying to get this proposition passed I have lost these things for a while. This next aspect of what has happened I dont bring up lightly, but even my Bishop's reaction has been disheartening and I have a deep love and respect for this man. I went from being on the cusp of turning in my mission papers to being inactive and the only contact he has had with me in the last 3 months had to do with him being concerned that I didnt donate money to the coalition a couple weeks ago. I am emotionally uncapable right now of being a part of this effort because I have become so sensitive to everything. I cant redouble my efforts but I expect to get a number of phone calls encouraging me to spend time and money on this effort. So what is the point I am trying to make? Please consider the feelings of members like me. Please think before you speak or act in a self righteous manner in regards to this issue. I am not asking you to ignore the requests of the First Presidency and the Brethren to get involved. At this point, even though I cant go out and help, I feel that I will vote yes just based on my faith that President Monson is indeed a prophet of God. Instead of simply saying that you love us and have compassion for us, show it by being tactful and thinking before you speak. Show it by acting humble in regards to your obedience to what you have been asked to do instead of flaunting your righteousness and criticizing those who wont get involved. Show it by sticking to the arguments on what gay marriage itself could affect, and not on homosexuality in general. The comments about homosexuals in general are not helpful to the discussion at all. They are largely born of stereotypes, fear, and misunderstanding. I read a comment on one blog (not this one) about the need to keep these things a stigma because homosexuals recruit honest, righteous heterosexuals into committing sodomy and becoming homosexuals themselves. Making our trial a stigma will not make it go away. It just intensifies the pain we feel. Comments like these hurt our feelings and make us feel like outcasts. They make us feel unwanted and unloved. We are taught to love the sinner and condemn the sin. Live by that principle instead of justifying your actions and comments by it. Just please keep these things in mind as you follow the counsel of the Brethren.