five dollars

i'm not quite sure what her sign said. perhaps it was...

old, lazy crack-whore. in desperate need a line of coke. any help would be appreciated.

or maybe...

just spent last dime on blue-rasberry vodka. almost sober. please help.

or perhaps it was something that was supposed to make me tear up and want to help. i don't know what it said.

there is always somebody at the corner. an aging veteran missing his hand. a dusty single mother with three kids seeking for a bus ticket. a skinny, tanned thirty-smothing complete with sleeping bag and scruffy mutt. it's probably a con. a scam. a silly way to make some cash. to buy a tv, make care payments, a shot of heroine...

but maybe they need help. maybe they're a product of their environment who needs some support to finally bust out. each time i pass them, i react. sometimes i'm mad for just passing them up. sometimes i check my wallet to only find receipts - i don't think they take plastic. sometimes i purposely try to pretend i didn't notice them - not to convince them, but an act to convince myself.

i couldn't pass up this time. i spun around and pulled out the only five i had. i never saw the sign. i don't know what she needed, but she smiled graciously as she took it.

perhaps she has enough to get her fix. maybe she's got enough to buy the furniture set she wanted. maybe she's gotten enough to pay for a ride away from her abusive husband. i don't know what she needed. even if i had read the sign, i may never know. i just know it made my day a little brighter.

five dollars. enough to buy a garden salad, medium fries, and small drink at wendy's. fourth the cost of a new dvd. a meal at bajio. a couple gallons of gas. it's not much, but it did something for me today.