never say never

something that i learned some time ago, but struggle with maintaining, is the notion that i cannot reference absolutes. perhaps there is an absolute truth out there. however, if there is, i can't know it nor reference it outside of my paradigm - my worldview which is constructed by my background, experiences, studies, pre-conceived notions and everything else. this doesn't mean that any search is futile, but rather that it needs to begin with an understanding that any progression in understanding is going to be built on previous understandings. unless i can completely remove a memory, that experience will always be there giving new meaning to everything else. with every new experience, every new understanding, viewpoint, analysis, discovery, and idea, my worldview has changed in some way. i can't go back to where it was.

i think this is part of the absurdity of life that camus speaks of. it's the reality that besides direct sensual contact and a sense of self, there are no certainties. however, that doesn't mean we need to sit back and say 'screw it'. grasping the absurdity is what gives us life. it's what enables us really be free. it's by seperating ourselves from absolutes that we can move forward. sure, we live with what we understand the world to be. that is the only way to be true to ourselves, but we also need to act as though we may be wrong. by asserting that there are some absolutes, we bind ourselves to those notions and prohibit further growth and understanding from something new.

i can't say that i "will never" or that i "will always". i don't know what the future holds. holding to either shuts me off from a myriad of possibilites. perhaps things can change. perhaps there is a way for me to do what i now think impossible. maybe i am wrong. maybe my worldview is stunted by my own intellectual pride and false notion of certainty. maybe my feelings say more than i give credit.

or maybe not.