Sunday, June 25, 2006

me and my (not so little?) blog

one of the debates in utilitarianism is the question on how to measure suffering in respect to happiness. does hurt and pain count as negative values in the equation determining the greatest amount of happiness? or is absolute suffering and misery a zero value, with any lesser degree being a positive push toward an infinite level of joy?

this question didn't cross my mind as i typed up my last post.

instead the question that crossed my mind was of how many people i could get to laugh. a funny idea crossed my mind that night and i wanted to put it out there before it had left. unfortunately, late at night i don't always make the best judgements (perhaps there is some truth to the whole holy-ghost-has-a-bedtime-thing).

as i was writing, i didn't really care about mary kaye's feelings. now i'm not that cold and shallow. i knew that what i was writing was rude and potentially hurtful. i just didn't think that there was any actual potential for it to cause any hurt. i didn't think that she (or anyone close to her) would ever read it. instead i thought about what others would think of me after reading it. i figured that some would think i was an ass, but decided the potential laughter of others would outweigh the potential disdain.

the post drew the laughs i was expecting, but it also raised some valid criticisms. i still didn't give any thought of the what if she read it idea, because that wasn't going to happen. however, it gave me much thought about the person i was and the effect such an attitude has on the people around me. the problem is not about what i think of mrs. huntsman - the chance that my path will ever cross with her's is slim to none. the problem was that my post reflected my attitude toward humanity as a whole. it showed that i was a hypocrit; that i didn't live up to my own proclamations of realizing and upholding the value, rights, and worth that every person has. furthermore, like 'harmless' racist and sexist remarks, comments that jokingly demean others too often act like a communicable disease that spreads and silently inflicts and ultimately hurts others.

to be honest, i don't think mary kaye huntsman is ugly. if she was i wouldn't have written about it. is she an aging barbie doll who perhaps wears too much makeup? yes, but so are most women today. she was probably gorgeous in her prime and how she looks now is not so much a reflection of her, but a reflection of our patriarchal society and the pressure we put on women to look a certain way. it's a reflection of me. everytime i say someone is ugly or fat or whatever, i'm adding that much more to a culture that preys on emotions and self-esteem of others - even if i'm saying it in satirical jest.

i was planning on writing much of this as a comment on the previous post in response to some of the anonymous comments i recieved. however, as i was stewing over the best way to put it, i recieved a swift kick in the balls (also known as nards, testicles, huevos, nuts, buddies, and family jewels) from the first lady of utah (or an imposter). the idea that didn't cross my mind quickly did. an anonymous commentor's prediction of karmic retribution proved true. my attempt to point out the ugly outward appearance of another proved to point out my own inner ugliness.

while i have been poking fun and creating a culture which can cause pain and suffering, mary kaye huntsman has been out doing the very opposite. for the last couple years she has been heading an organization called power in you that has been seeking out to alleviate the pain and suffering that all too many youth struggle with on a daily basis - struggles often resulting from the very kind of attitudes and disregard reflected in my previous post.

this post may seem like a pathetic attempt at rectifying my own stupidity - judge it however you like. i do encourage you, however, to take a quick look at to see how wrong i actually was.


  1. Wow, those comments were harsh. To tell you the truth I’m feeling a bit guilty myself. I think it’s important not to beat yourself up about it though. Once restituted, bad choices should only affect you to such an extent that they inspire you to make better ones in the future. (Move over, Dear Abby ;)

    As for the accusations of hypocrisy, not everything people say is their final statement, i.e. their ultimate belief. Sometimes people just talk; I know I do. This particular action may have been hypocritical, but all things considered, I still believe that you’re essentially a good person.

  2. Great. Now make your repentance complete and pull everything negative you said from your entire blog log.

  3. Mary Kaye Huntsman is a beautiful person inside and out. While you are now giving her belated credit for the amazing work that she does as First Lady with her Power In You program, you have not withdrawn your comments about her personally that were so false, demeaning, and hurtful. Have you ever seen her close up? She is one of the most striking women that you will ever meet (should you ever be so lucky). She is so beautiful. More importantly, she radiates beauty from the inside. As a woman myself and a woman with many friends, we've often said how we wish we could all look like her. She has been blessed with an amazing beauty. Most people that have half her looks would not spend a second dealing with people who have been dealt a bad hand in life. We are so proud that we have a first lady that stands up (when she doesn't have to) for the underpriviledged. This quality has everything to do with a heart of gold and a beauty (inner and outer) beyond words.

  4. Blah blah blah...if MS. Anonymous feels so strongly in support of Mrs. Huntsman then why in the world is she anonymous?? Weird!

    I don't believe anyone ever does anything for the sake of "helping the underprivilaged." Please. Even the most saintly of people does good things for a reason, even if it's the mere satisfaction of having people like Ms. Anonymous recognize them for it. Woohooo consider yourself having recieved a high five from me. If you look deeply within yourselves, and look at the motives for almost any of your good behavior, i.e. helping the less fortunate, there is almost always some self serving motive there. Perhaps Mother Teresa was different? I'm not God so I can't entirely say.

    I honestly have no idea what the said ugly lady looks like, but I find it hilarious that she or anyone would take the time to be hurt and offended by someone's BLOG. I hope the person never steps outside and encounters any sort of humanity. I don't know if they could withstand the harshness of the real world.

    We are all entitled to our opinions, whatever they may be, and I don't think anyone should feel any remorse for it. Do we have a freedom of opinions amendment? Haha..sorry it is getting late! I personally think most people are quite ugly and am sad that more of humanity can't be as blessed as my good friend Becca and me.

  5. P.S. - I hadn't read the part about being called to repentance!!!!!!!!! Are you freaking kidding me?????? Are you now making yourself an Elder in Isreal, taking it upon yourself to call someone to repentance???? Would that be called JUDGEMENT on your part??? Maybe you should spend a little time looking in the mirror to find that mote pokin out of your lil eye...

    People like you give Mormons a bad name.

  6. Good post.

    I think it's dumb that people would ask you to remove the last post. I think your apology is clear in this one, so there's no sense in removing the other. In fact, I think it would trivialize the lesson you learned from your mistake if you tried to erase it.

  7. I am not the anonymous that left the previous comment and don't intend to speak for that person. But I would like to say that my comments are always left by "anonymous" because I'm too lazy to create a blogspot username and password.

  8. Wow...

    I had no idea so many people would have such a problem your post. I understood the humor behind it and if MKH really read it and freaked out like it appears she might have my respect level has gone down. I listen to her power in you radio spots all the time and they are nice.

    But isn't she also the one who thought that billboards with labels like "Loser" "Slacker" and "Failure" would help us all feel better about ourselves as she started her whole PIY campain.

    Forgive me for not feeling that bad but doesn't she have something better to do then worry about your blog? People say mean things about each other all the time and especially if you are famous at all. To all of you who wish to remain anonymously defending her grow up, she's a big girl, I hope it really wasn't her who wrote in because she ought to be better then that.

  9. You should feel proud that your only friend on here that agrees with you is newengrl. I wish i had a friend like her who could cut down every person she possibly could .. maybe because she is so unhappy with herself she can boost her self esteem by putting people down on the internet. WOW real cool newengrl. maybe you should get a life and get out of high school. What a joke. I laugh at her pitty and am quite embarassed of your only friend. I hope Karma gets you someday and it truly will trust me.. look at newengrl.. she has to feel good about herself by making fun of others. Oh wait and did i mention on the internet.. maybe because she is such an embarassment in public she has to do things where no one can see her ugly face. what a life she lives. I wish i could be just like you. So maybe next time i need to start an embarassing fight on the internet ill get a hold of you we can both look like fools.

  10. wait so its ok for you to call people ugly as long as they are not Mary Kay Huntsman?

    Yeah thats not hipocrasy. Looks like you are the one starting childish fights on the internet.

    Plus you have no excuse to stay anon you don't need a blogger name ID... you just like hiding behind anonimity

  11. Ok… so my guilt over laughing at Mary Kaye’s expense didn’t last long after re-reading her response. If a woman in her position is petty enough to threaten a measly college student with retribution (you have given me new fodder for my program…
    your blog will be a welcome addition to my presentation to schools… I will be sure to credit your contribution when next I speak at UVSC in Sept/Oct…) then she deserves everything she got.

    What a phony. I’m officially repenting for chastising Loyd.

    Oh... and I know newengrl personally. She isn’t a miserable wreck; she just isn’t a slave to dogma.

  12. Now to tell you the truth. I find this these pictures of MKH to be very real of what I see everyday when I lived in Utah. Thank goodness I got out. I'll explain.

    The fight for beauty and vanity is very real in Utah. Many women spend countless hours at tanning salons and putting on makeup. To me, a large part of these leather skinned grannies, come from a feeling of either (now I am not saying all people but a large majority) vanity, or trying to feel "in".

    I went to a highschool in the salt lake valley. It's sad cause a large majority of the girls in that school spent much time tanning. I used to ask myself, why? Then I see the mothers. Now I am going to be very vague as I can be, but have you ever driven through the neighborhoods of "Pepperwood" and a lot of south mountain during the day? Or visited a ward in the south east side of salt lake county? I like to call it the Motherhood of the well baked ones.

    These sights are caused by a determination to create what they feel is beauty. I must admit. I once had fallen for a well "leathered one" at one time. Getting to know her, she was a really nice person, but vanity was a huge part of her life. And I am sorry to say but a large part of utah woman (and some metro sexual men) have a feeling of need to be "in". And they create beauty by other means. One thing I love is the Mona Lisa by Da vinci. Simple and elegant. And that painting stands as symbol of beauty to this day.

    Mothers, your daughters follow your paths. And daughters, mothers try following your path and they screw things up terribly sometimes. And I am very happy to say the one that I care about the most, isn't well leathered, she's naturally brown. I must say, if your just albino, your albino, you can't all be a brown girl. HA! SUCKERS!

    (I am going to post this on the other comment too)

    Reprimanding and bashing is so much fun. Kiss it douchbags! It's all just a little sense of humor and not reflection of the true nature of those. You don't see Charles Schultz calling all big headed kids that were yellow and black block heads do you? Cause I would be one. Enjoy life some more and learn to laugh.

  13. I will not be erasing the MKH post for a few reasons.

    -This blog is a reflection and record of me. Though I may not want to be remembered by this, it's a part of my history.
    -Though I haven't written like this lately, this blog has been a way for me to try out different writing styles. This was like many of my posts of old as I try to figure out how many different ways I could say the same thing.


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