punchlines
mama mia papa pia
what's for dinner? diarhea
mother said it wouldn't hurt
so daddy ate it for desert
the lyrics went something like that. i had learned them in third grad, and then taught them to my brother, who was four years younger than me. bobby thought it was hilarious and decided to recite it at the dinner table. dad didn't find it as funny. my attempt to shush bobby as he delivered the poem quickly gave away the source. somehow i ended up grounded in my room.
looking back, i'm not sure why i found the poem so funny. i guess anything dealing with poop was funny back then.
ok... anything dealing with poop is still funny.
along with this poem, there were several jokes i found hilarious when i was little. however, i can only recall the punchlines. here they are. if you know the rest of the joke, i'd love to know.
* big fart no chief.
* all i could see was this huge cloud and some poor monkey trying to shove a cork back up an elephant's butt.
* the next day the headlines of the paper read "ching chong's chinese balls hanging on the prison walls."
there is also a funny poem whose punchline i've forgotten, perhaps you can finish it.
me chinese, me no dumb
me climb up, daddy's bum...
a native american goes to the doctor and says "big chief no fart" the doctor sends him away with a small pill.
ReplyDeletethe next day he returns and says "big chief no fart" so the doctor gives him a jar of huge pills and sends him on his way.
the next day the native american comes back crying and says"big fart no chief"
Okay, so there's these three farmers. One farmer just bought himself a fancy pair of bye-nok-U-lars, the other one stole a monkey from a circus and keeps him as a pet, and the third is taking care of a runt pig hoping to use him to win first prize in the state fair.
ReplyDeleteThe third farmer keeps feeding his pig and the pig keeps pooping everything out. So, he looks at the monkey, "Monkey, tie this rope around the pig's neck, take him up on top of the hill, and shove this cork up his butt." The monkey starts shaking his head. "Do it or I'll beat you up and kill you" he says as he pulls his six shooter out on the monkey. So, the monkey does. He takes him up on the hill, and sticks the cork in his butt.
The following month the three farmers start feeding the pig, and the pig grows and grows into enormous proportions. They take the pig to the state fair and, wouldn't you know it, they win first prize! They all celebrate by getting drunk. But the pig isn't having that much fun.
Noticing that the pig is a tinge-bit unhappy and uncomfortable, the third farmer calls on the monkey once again. "Monkey, tie this rope around the pigs neck, take him up on top of the hill, and this time, take the cork OUT of his butt." The monkey, looking as annoyed as a monkey can look, shakes his head, "No!" So, once again the farmer threatens the monkey, "Monkey, take the pig up on top of the hill and pull the cork out or we'll beat you up and kill you!" So, the monkey (Not wanting to die) ties the rope around the pig's neck, and takes him up on top of the hill. The drunken, slap-happy farmers stand by the fence with their beers, laughing at the monkeys misfortune. One of the farmers watches the monkey with his binoculars. Suddenly, there's a huge explosion. Upon the hill, from several miles back, a mushroom cloud can be seen. Poop covers every inch of the land for a 50 mile radius.
One farmer asked the other farmer, "What did you see?" "Miles and Miles of poop, Cletus!" The other farmer asked the other farmer, "What did you see?" "I saw miles and miles of poop, Teckter!!" The two farmers wipe poop off their faces and turn to the farmer with the binoculars and ask, "What did you see?" "I saw that poor old monkey trying to put the cork back in."
Nope... Different Jack... Not sure I would claim those stories...
ReplyDeleteI know it’s like 12yrs later but...
ReplyDelete3 scientists were sitting around the lab getting drunk one day when one turned to the others and asked, "What would happen if we put a giant cork up an elephants butt for a month?" Well none of them knew for certain so they decided to try it out. They gathered an elephant and a giant cork together in a cage. The first scientist said, "I'm not putting the cork up there." The second scientist said, "I'm not putting the cork up there." The third scientist said, "Let's train a monkey to do it." So they got a monkey and trained him to the task. The monkey entered the cage and inserted the cork. A month went by, and on the last day of the month the scientist gathered with a reporter to document the event. The first scientist said, "I'm not going to pull that cork out." The second scientist said, "Well I'm not going to do it." The third scientist said, "Let's train the monkey to do it." So they showed the monkey what to do and sent him into the cage. The monkey pulled out the cork and there was crap everywhere. The reporter walked up to the scientists and asked what they had learned. The first scientist said, "All I saw was a whole lot of crap." The second scientist said, "I am amazed by the giant amounts of crap." The third scientist said, "All I saw was that poor little monkey trying to put the cork back in."