Monday, April 16, 2007

chocolate covered baby jesus

while at walmart last night and trying to find a cure to my late night munchies, i came across an interesting sight. chocolate crosses.

48 cents for a chunk of chocolate. how could i pass it up?

they even had chocolate crosses for klan members.

i was just about to buy myself a yummy cross, but then the thought came to me... is it sacrilegious or blasphemous to eat a chocolate cross? afterall, this is the thing that jesus was crucified on. should we be making sacred objects with chocolate... and then eat them? christians all over the world revere the cross as THE sacred object of all objects. and here they are, molded in delicious milk chocolate, ready to be chewed up, eaten, and eventually pooped.

while as a latter-day saint, crosses don't have the sacred status that they do for other christians, it still bothered me. even worse, it bothered me that these were most likely made for christians who would not buy the standard chocolate easter bunnies because bunnies are pagan symbols. so instead of biting the head off of a chocolate pagan rabbit, they choose to chew on the cross that jesus, their lord and savior, was crucified on.

what about other sacred objects or symbols. would i want to eat a chocolate baby jesus from a chocolate nativity scene? the virgin mary appears on someone's grilled cheese sandwhich and the thing gets frozen for all the world to see and share. a cross is made of chocolate, and we eat it? is that what it means to internalize christ's sacrifice? who can you picture more eating a cross? jesus or the anti-christ?

but hey, 48 cents for a chunk of chocolate?

i bought 5.

getting home, i opened up a box and got ready to take a bite.

mmmmm. it was delicious.

but as i bit into it, something was wrong.

i was overcome with some evil power. it surged through me, giving my inhumane strength.



  1. That was funny - really funny!


  2. I feel like I have a similar moral dilemna: Do I need to repent of laughing so hard about this post?

  3. I saw those at Shopko and wondered some of the same things! I had to pass (mostly because there were some more delicious looking chocolate bars on clearance), but also because I felt like it was just weird. Just weird. All this hullaballo over a chocolate Jesus, but nothing about the Easter Bunny bringing chocolate crosses to little kids. Isn't it kind of weird with bunnies and candy and crosses?

  4. to answer your butterfly lamps question... it's because this post is freaky and i don't like opening the page to look at it. :) it scares me! butterfly lamps, however, ahh, now that's nice. ;)

  5. You're funny in a sick way bro. The pics made me laugh but they are pretty freaky. N.E.

  6. you look like Cho.

  7. Hey Narrator,
    What happened to that last post that mentioned Joseph Smith? Did you find a "need" to delete it? Why do you fear the truth? No one runs faster from the truth than a Mormon. You are beginning to remind me of your friend Connor. Sit back and take another big drink of that "Mormon Kool-Aid."
    ps- Grow some balls.

  8. anonymous coward,

    the reason i deleted your comment is because it was stupid. yeah. stupid.

    i don't know why you think your posts are witty or even truth-revealing. if you go through my past posts you'll see that i am often very critical of mormonism. i know that joseph smith had many wives. you claimed 43. big deal. quinn put it at 46. compton was able to document 33. i know church history. you assert smith had multiple wives under 12. he had none that young. the youngest was 14. and yeah, i think that's pretty messed up. smith seemed to have a healthy sexual libido. i think polygamy was a result of that. he looked in hats. he had some pretty messed up ideas. big deal.

    you're an idiot. your post aren't funny. if you want to say something, use some damn intelligence.

    my post was a silly write-up about chocolate crosses. your comment was a pathetic attempt to be whatever the hell you thought you were going to be.

    i don't know why you make such stupid attacks at me. you don't know me. you obviously don't know what i think, what i do, or what i believe.

    bite me.

  9. MY MY MY I seems as though I have struck a nerve with the man who knows all. You have to admit that post I made about Brother Joseph was extreemly funny. Or maybe we just have a different opinion of humor? You think toilet humor and bowel excrement humor is funny. I dont think so but that's just my opinion. A few years ago I knew absolutely nothing about Joseph Smith, today I know plenty. Joseph was one tough mother. If you questioned anything about Joseph you were considered an enemy and you were then subject to a good ass whipping and then you might end up dead. Brother Joseph had his very own "death squad" and he used it at the drop of a hat. Joseph lived a life somewhere between Mick Jagger and Hugh Hefner. Any female that had a pulse was fair game to Joseph, he would just leave them in a pool of their own vaginal blood. Just remember - Joseph Smith is the foundation of the Mormon religion. Im glad I am providing you with something to think about. The Mormon religion does not allow any independent thinking. Sit back and take another gulp of that good ol' Mormon Kool-Aid.

  10. anonymous coward,

    you're annoying. seriously. have you even read any scholarly 'anti-mormonism' (vogel, metcalfe, etc?)? or do you just browse websites and repeat whatever?

    don't comment my blog. you're annoying. stop.

    i don't know what mormon kool-aid is. i'm not sure how it's supposed to be an insult. you don't even know what the hell i drink.

    seriously. don't comment my blog. if you got something to say, let's meet in person so i can kick you in the nuts.

    you're an idiot. you're not smart. you're not intellectually critical. you're just plain annoying.

    please don't comment my blog anymore.

  11. Im glad we are making some progress. Mormons of the past liked to cut off a guys nuts. You just want to kick me in the nuts. That is indeed progress.
    ps The Mormon Kool-Aid is a reference to Rev. Jim Jones. Jim mixed up a batch of suicide juice and his followers willingly drank it. You believe everything that came out of the mouth of every Prophet(prophet my ass) from Joseph to Hinckley. Thus you are drinking the Kool-Aid on a daily basis. You have never had an independent thought on religion in your entire life. Afterall Joseph would never tell a lie. Would he?

  12. you obviously don't know me.

    all annoying unintellectual comments from you (thus all comments from you) will be deleted from now on.

  13. Here's an intellectual comment:

    Tool has brainwashed many by way of Maynard and his wonderful caveman antics. Now, with that said: are you brainwashed? Do you love tool as much as you love Joseph Smith? or do you love Tool as much as you love St. Willard?

  14. you all are way weird.
    is there a mormon reafer that grows where ever you live?

  15. YOU are hilarious!that was cute. crosses for klan members. hahaha


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