Tuesday, May 31, 2005

reason #183 why i don't like old people

people say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. that's a lie. i taught my aging black lab to roll over. my golden retriever learned to play dead. then she learned to play it too well. old dogs can learn new tricks.

the truth is, you can't teach old people anything. they're too old, too grumpy, and too stuck in their ways. technology, culture, manners, fashion, hygiene, whatever.

case in point - debit cards.

this is the year 2005. yeah, a long time after you old grumpy people were born. yet, still you old farts pull out your checkbooks to pay for every little thing you buy. from a pack of denture-safe chewing gum to a one piece jumper, you pay for it with a check.

checks take too long for normal people, but for older grumpy people it takes forever. they write so slowly that they always forget what they are paying for, where they are at, and how much the amount was supposed to be - twice. then in the likely case that they forgot their i.d., they get all pissed off that the cashier won't take their check. if they had remembered their drivers license (which they shouldn't have in the first place - see reason #17 why i don't like old people), they struggle with all of their might to rip the check from the book, all the while complaining about how checkbooks are made these days.

there is a very simple answer to all of this. euthanasia.

but that won't happen, so there is another simple answer. debit cards - simple, quick, and all they would have to remember is a four-digit pin.

but that won't happen either. as i said earlier, you can't teach old people new anything. instead, we all have to suffer.


i realized that besides my day in drag, i have not posted (or even taken) any new photos lately. i need to get out and take some. any requests?


  1. Photos of confused old people?

  2. I've decided that perhaps the real reason you don't like old people (besides having stereotyped them all into one category) could be the fact that everyone has mistaken you for an old person because of your name. (Totally joking on this one so don't get offended)

  3. not funny maggie!

    you know how sensitive i am about my name

  4. How about a picture of you being charitable, since that's the only thing in the gospel that really matters, right? How about one of being charitable to an OLD PERSON.


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