a year ago i was banned from the website provopulse.com. although my posts and comments generated more activity than any other writer, a few persons didn't like what i had to say and petitioned to have me blocked from the site. while the official reason for my ban were a few insults i had thrown back at some who personally attacked me, i was pretty certain that the real reason was because of some of my so-called 'unorthodox' ideas. it didn't bother me too much then. i thought it was kind of funny. plus, at this time in my life i was quite uncertain where i even stood religiously. i was still wrestling with my (then) atheism/agnosticism and wasn't sure how much i wanted to participate in mormon discussions.
well things have certainly changed for me over the last year. i've rediscovered that testimony i had once lost and have become largely active in the church again.
recently, ownership of provopulse.com was changed and i thought perhaps the ban might also be lifted so i could participate in a discussion about the rocky-hannity debate. i sent an e-mail to the new owner to see if i could once again use my login name and participate. i received the following e-mail back:
Thank for the reply. I've emailed Mason to ask what the reason was - between his comments - looking at past articles/comments you've made and then also looking at your personal blog, I think I'll have to uphold Masons decision. The majority website membership is LDS based - and many of your views do not go in line with the mainstream views of most LDS members (to put it lightly). It's ok to disagree, that's what makes good discussion - however I noticed many of your comments going too far by my standards and the standards of most others.
however, this e-mail really left me thinking about things.
here i am. i consider myself a 'believer' again. i pray. i go to church. i read my scriptures. and despite my follies, i'll be able to return to the temple again in a couple months after a few years of absence. but i find myself wondering... is it worth it? can i be accepted?
The majority website membership is LDS based - and many of your views do not go in line with the mainstream views of most LDS members (to put it lightly). It's ok to disagree, that's what makes good discussion - however I noticed many of your comments going too far by my standards and the standards of most others.
i sometimes wonder how much room there is for someone like me whose "views do not go in line with the mainstream of most LDS members." is provopulse the anomaly or does it typify the majority? as many of you well know, i like to speak my mind. i like to stand up and voice what i believe in. can i continue to do this? or am i welcome only as long as i shut up?
i have hope that there is room for me and others like me. i sometimes worry though. i have seen too many friends leave because they felt they were no longer welcome with their beliefs. too many who felt they could not be honest with their feelings.