Tuesday, May 08, 2007

dear loyd, you are not welcome

a year ago i was banned from the website provopulse.com. although my posts and comments generated more activity than any other writer, a few persons didn't like what i had to say and petitioned to have me blocked from the site. while the official reason for my ban were a few insults i had thrown back at some who personally attacked me, i was pretty certain that the real reason was because of some of my so-called 'unorthodox' ideas. it didn't bother me too much then. i thought it was kind of funny. plus, at this time in my life i was quite uncertain where i even stood religiously. i was still wrestling with my (then) atheism/agnosticism and wasn't sure how much i wanted to participate in mormon discussions.

well things have certainly changed for me over the last year. i've rediscovered that testimony i had once lost and have become largely active in the church again.

recently, ownership of provopulse.com was changed and i thought perhaps the ban might also be lifted so i could participate in a discussion about the rocky-hannity debate. i sent an e-mail to the new owner to see if i could once again use my login name and participate. i received the following e-mail back:

Loyd,

Thank for the reply. I've emailed Mason to ask what the reason was - between his comments - looking at past articles/comments you've made and then also looking at your personal blog, I think I'll have to uphold Masons decision. The majority website membership is LDS based - and many of your views do not go in line with the mainstream views of most LDS members (to put it lightly). It's ok to disagree, that's what makes good discussion - however I noticed many of your comments going too far by my standards and the standards of most others.

-Jeff Erekson
Provopulse, LLC

to be honest, i really don't care about the continued ban. provopulse largely died after i left, and there really isn't much worth participating on it anyways.

however, this e-mail really left me thinking about things.

here i am. i consider myself a 'believer' again. i pray. i go to church. i read my scriptures. and despite my follies, i'll be able to return to the temple again in a couple months after a few years of absence. but i find myself wondering... is it worth it? can i be accepted?

The majority website membership is LDS based - and many of your views do not go in line with the mainstream views of most LDS members (to put it lightly). It's ok to disagree, that's what makes good discussion - however I noticed many of your comments going too far by my standards and the standards of most others.

i sometimes wonder how much room there is for someone like me whose "views do not go in line with the mainstream of most LDS members." is provopulse the anomaly or does it typify the majority? as many of you well know, i like to speak my mind. i like to stand up and voice what i believe in. can i continue to do this? or am i welcome only as long as i shut up?

i have hope that there is room for me and others like me. i sometimes worry though. i have seen too many friends leave because they felt they were no longer welcome with their beliefs. too many who felt they could not be honest with their feelings.

12 comments:

  1. I struggle with this same tension on a weekly (if not daily) basis. To be honest, I think the majority of Mormons would just prefer that unorthodox members like us either shut up or leave.

    Ashley gave a brilliant speech though at the alternative commencement (I'll post it on my blog) that gives me hope for the significance of staying in the church, and revolutionizing it from the inside out, or bottom up. I thought your post the other day was great too. Sometimes I feel very tempted to just move on, but I have to remind myself that whether the church knows it or not (or whether America knows it or not) it needs people to challenge it, to critique it, to try to help it reach its potential.

    What ProvoPulse has done is weak and timid, but then again who cares about the provopulse. You blog is ten times more interesting.

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  2. My experience has been different from Joe's: I think most people appreciate a contrary opinion, as long as it has been brought across in a respectful manner.

    Lessons become really exciting once people really start talking about their feelings and questions rather than just vomiting back canned answers.

    I don't think I'd give some clickish website like provopulse much more than a passing thought. Any group that encourages and fosters groupthink should be avoided anyhow.

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  3. thanks joe. i read ashley's speech on the alternative commencement website. now i just need to figure out how to get a date with her.

    and thanks raisinbread, perhaps i just have a skewed perspective from within the happy valley bubble.

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  4. Look, Loyd, I'm posting on your blog! I really liked what you had to say. It makes me wonder if the real reason behind your "ban" from provopulse is that the owner couldn't handle his views being challenged. Personally, when my views are challenged they only become stronger, or sometimes they even change for the better because of new insight I've gained from others.

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  5. Joe - I think your wrong.

    Narrator - we are as opposite as they come in Religion and Politics. But I would do all I could defending your freedom to say what you think. I heard a saying once, I don't recall from where though ... "Keep on keeping on"

    ryan

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  6. I for one appreciate your thoughts and find them thought provoking and insightful - enough to keep me coming back even when the delivery is sometimes pretty rough. Don't always agree, but always leave thinking. Some may not be able to see past the blunt delivery to the core of the message which it sounds as if may be the case with provopulse. It may not be the honesty of your views, but the bluntness of the delivery.

    Hold on to your faith, it's more than worth the criticism.

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  7. I stumbled on your blog via a google search. I then looked at provopulse.com. Maybe the people who run that site are right? I'm a mormon and alot of the things you publish are a bit off the wall. You claim to have a testimony and coming back to the church yet you write articles mentioning wanting the Prophet to be removed, the church accepting it is wrong for things that come from the Lord and not the church, and several other odd things that shouldn't be associated with someone who is "on their way back." If they have a site that is made up of LDS members who are firm in their faith I doubt they would take kindly to your thinking. I have never posted on that site but I will check it out more to see what it is all about.

    I don't know what the site administrators main reasons were. Though he mentioned a few of them in the email he wrote you, yet if I were him the big key would be how you are now. Since you continue to write stuff that bascially bashes the LDS church in a lite and heavy ways maybe he/they believe you aren't so changed. I don't know, thats just how I would think it out.

    Perhaps this is a good way time to REALLY change? Maybe?

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  8. Anon (comment #7),

    You just demonstrated the problem Loyd is talking about. A Mormon critiques the Church or suggests a possible change or a different course of action, and the usual response from the rank and file is to essentially say, "You need to conform."

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  9. Hmmmmmmmm. Hey Loyd, Didnt you just ban an "anonymous poster" from posting on YOUR blog?????? I guess his views were too controversial for even you.

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  10. the idiot i banned (you?) wasn't banned for anything controversial. there was nothing he said that i hadn't written about already. he was banned for intentionally being crude and offensive.

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  11. while the official reason for my ban were a few insults i had thrown back at some who personally attacked me, i was pretty certain that the real reason was because of some of my so-called 'unorthodox' ideas.

    Hey Loyd. Your very own words speak volumes. I hope this was not crude or offensive.

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  12. thanks for not shutting up. there are some scared people in this valley who can't afford to have their group hallucination interrupted or challenged. and by writing "hallucination" i mean there's a powerful reality here that has been woven by many hands and doesn't take kindly to those who would pick at loose strands. while i myself am not very bold, i am inspired by those who are dedicated enough to ask questions, be irreverent to make a point (or not), and really THINK. group think really scares me. i just tell myself repeatedly "perfect love casteth out fear."

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