gasping for air,
but only taking in water.
foamy crests of waves crash
over my head. struggling
for safety.
a hand grasps mine, pulling me
out of danger.
breathing a sigh of relief,
i watch the saving hand
slip into the sea
i reach out, but cannot
save the drowning hand.
i cannot swim.
four years ago today, i sat glued in front of the television watching cnn, waiting for the bombs to drop. waiting for the mother f*ing iraqis to get to know the great ol' u.s. of a. a little better. waiting for saddam to pay his dues for building up his arsenal of weapons of mass destruction. wmds. it was the new hip acronym. i sat there waiting for our revenge for 9/11 to finally be enacted.
finally the bombs dropped. the explosions were beautiful, magnificent, and destructive. i cheered. shock and awe. shock and mother f*ing awe.
four years later i look back and am sickened by the way i felt. i'm sickened by the way most of america felt. united we stood. united we stood and cheered on the slaughter of others. since that dreadful moment four years ago over 60,000 innocent iraqi citizens have died as a result of our invasion. that's the low estimate. some estimate it as double that number. if we take iraqi soldier and insurgent deaths, the number is five or six times as many. rather than getting better, each year the number of deaths exceeds the previous.
as of today 3,204 american soliders have died. over 32,000 have been injured. many of them no longer have the eyes to see their children's smiling faces. many no longer have the arms to wrap around their spouses. the legs to hike and travel the beautiful world with.
the fiscal cost of the war just exceeded $400 billion. that's a four with nine zeros behind it. that's enough to end global poverty for the next dozen years. enough to provide health care for every person in america. enough to educate all of our children. enough to take care of the elderly. and apparently enough to tear apart a country, kill many of its citizens, turn it into a hot pan for terrorism and civil war.
shock and awe. four years ago, i didn't know that it was the name of a decade old military strategy aimed at destroying a state's infrastructure, 'accidentally' harming its citizines, and demoralizing its people into accepting defeat. little did i know that the weapons of mass destruction, those wmds, were merely the fabrication of our administration and intelligence. little did i think about the great consequences that would arise.
shock and awe. a perfect way to describe my reflections as i look back at myself four years ago.
the darkside
two 5 year olds playing
starwars. one light skinned
with blonde hair.
the other dark skinned
with black hair.
both side of the force
waging an imaginary battle.
accompanied by laughter,
plastic lightsabers playfully swing
at the other, intentionally
avoiding contact. secretly
i wish one would hit
the other and make him cry.
drafts
messages written,
but never sent. stored away
for a day that may never come.
hidden feelings and emotions
that stay hidden.
december second, eight a.m.
i woke up and you weren't there.
i tried wrapping my arm
around a pillow,
but it didn't help.
december fifteenth, twelve thirty.
i guess you are either still out
or forgot to call. i just wanted to say
goodnight. if you're still out
give me a call
when you get back. else,
sweet dreams.
january eleventh, six p.m.
i miss you.
february tweny-sixth, one a.m.
thanks for being you.
in lieu of my friend's trip to seattle for a wedding (not her's), i thought i'd share my story of seattle.
i flew to seattle 6 years ago for my best friend's wedding. i was the best man, which basically meant i got to where a tuxedo and help clean up after the reception while he and his new wife had sex in the dressing room.
when i got home, i thought i was also supposed to get married. it seemed to be the in thing that year (as it is every year in happy valley). i was soon pseudo-engaged to the girl i was dating at the time.
we started ring shopping and i was talking to her folks to get permission to transfer the possesion of her from her father to me. during that time, i discovered that she didn't like to keep score when we played scrabble, so i broke up with her. ok, there were other things too... among them, the realization that i didn't enjoy being around her. a good reason to break things off, i think. i was scared she was going to kill herself (also found out she hadserious issues with clinical depression). luckily, she only cut herself up some.
a week later, i was booked into the utah county jail for completely unrelated reasons.
on the bright side, i remember that seattle was really green - compared to the drab brown of utah.
that is my story of seattle. do not let it happen to you.
